Focusing Pt 2/4: What is it actually?
If I had a nickel for every time I told myself, “I just need to focus”, I’d pay someone to focus for me. And then I’d ask who still uses nickels.
But seriously, what does that even mean?
For the longest time I knew I wanted to focus better. But I legitimately had no clue how to do that.
At first I figured that meant just trying to sit and work on one thing for as long as I possibly could.
As you can probably attest, that didn’t go well.
Trying to improve a skill without actually knowing what was being worked on proved to be exhausting and disheartening. It’s hard to see progress when you don’t know where to look.
So I figured I had to break it down.
But first…
⚠️Disclaimers⚠️ because I care about the spicy meatballs between y’alls ears:
I am not a mental health expert in any capacity. The strategies I talk about in this series are just what I experimented with on myself.
I do believe what I’m going to be talking about is important. But ONLY if it DOES NOT JEAPARDIZE your mental health. There’s a difference between learning to work with distractibility and doing mental harm.
Working on this stuff is difficult and can be taxing, I won’t deny it.
So please please PuhLEASE for the love of the gods do not push yourself to the point of burning out. I promise any amount of progress you do get from running yourself into the ground is not worth it and minimal anyway so there’s legit no reason to subject yourself to that.
Also I have been diagnosed with ADHD (as much as my imposter syndrome likes to deny it). But that does not make these strategies, “ADHD strategies”. It also does not make me an expert on ADHD. I’m only an expert on my ADHD. I phrase lots of things in absolutes. That doesn’t make them law. I just don’t want to type “I think” 8 million times.
I’d also like to remind you of the Focus Training Ground Rules
Accept these strategies take PRACTICE and REPETITION
Self compassion is a MUST
Moderation is MANDATORY
If you’d like to read over the specifics for each and why they’re important, click here.
Now that’s out of the way, welcome back to my Focusing series!
As a reminder, here’s the game plan:
Part 1: Non-negotiable rules and why
Part 2: The different parts of focusing (⬅️ you are here)
Part 3: Strategies I use for each aspect
Part 4: The ultimate training technique that you’re going to hate
If you missed Part 1 you can click it to be taken to the web version.
The way I see it, “focusing” is made up of a few different skills:
In this letter (Part 2) I’m breaking down what I believe “focusing” consists of.
I figure there’s 3 main parts:
Holding attention in one spot
Recognizing distraction
Redirecting back to the task
And a couple of adjacent skills that help:
Being uncomfortable
Being bored
There’s a reason I call all of these skills. Because I believe they can (to a certain extent) be trained.
I know it seems dumb to break things down this far. But hear me out.
The more you understand what specific parts you struggle with, the easier it will be to pinpoint specific strategies that help you. The more targeted you are with practicing, the more your focusing will improve. There’s a reason people say Knowledge is Power.
The anatomy of focus
Holding attention
Probably what you think of when you hear “focus.” Keeping your attention in one spot for a period of time without getting distracted. And personally it’s the part I struggle with the most.
Reminder: I’m not an ADHD expert, just a girl with ADHD. So take my opinions with a grain of salt. But I believe this is a key factor in ADHD focusing struggles.
We expect to be able to just hold our attention in one spot for however long we need without getting side tracked.
But unfortunately due to our wiring, we’re going to get distracted at some point (realistically multiple points) no matter what.
Do I think how long it takes to get distracted can be trained to a certain (probably small) degree? Yes I do. But I don’t think that distractibility can be trained away.
That’s where the next 2 parts come in. If we can’t train away the distractibility, then we can to train to work with it.
Recognizing distraction
I think we’ve all experienced the feeling. You’re working on an essay or a project.
You pause to try to think something through.
So you look out the window and see all the leaves.
You start thinking about how you should probably rake those up.
That reminds you of the gutters that are clogged up.
When is the next time it’s supposed to rain?
You should check the weather so those get cleaned before the next storm.
*Opens Phone*
Oh you’ve got a few Instagram notifications.
Aaaaand then it’s been half an hour, your computer went to sleep, and you never figured out the next step in your project.
This skill is probably the trickiest of the bunch, because it relies on your ability to recognize when you’ve gotten off track.
And if you’re not used to doing so it can be challenging to pull yourself out of the thought tornado.
ESPECIALLY if you hold yourself to the unrealistic expectation that you won’t get distracted in the first place.
But once you do recognize the fact you’ve gotten distracted, then you work on redirecting.
Redirecting back on task
This really is the bread and butter of improving focus for folks who struggle with distractibility.
Once you’ve recognized that your head is somewhere else besides what you’re working on, you can practice bringing your attention back to where you want it.
I also think this is the most difficult and uncomfortable part of focusing. Especially on a day my brain really is all over the place. Some days trying to redirect my attention to where it needs to be feels like throwing a bouncy ball against the wall expecting it to stick.
But the truth is just because something is difficult or uncomfortable doesn’t mean it’s bad for you.
In fact the only way to progress in life and as a person is to push your limits of difficulty and discomfort.
Here’s where the adjacent skills come in.
Being uncomfortable
Do you think Da Vinci was comfortable the entire time he was creating plans for machines that didn’t exist yet?
Or how about Galileo when he was working to uncover and explain secrets of space?
Of course not. Because challenging your brain to grow and progress is not comfortable.
In the modern age of technology it has become so easy to numb uncomfortable feelings.
How many times have you been confronted with the discomfort of starting/working on that project and thought:
“Ugh I’m not feeling this. I’ll just scroll until I feel ready.”
Only to come back to your work an hour later feeling worse than you did before?
This is a good time to remind everyone I am NOT a therapist or mental health expert. As such I am not talking about big scary feelings here. I am ONLY talking about that feeling you get when you don’t want to do work because it’s hard. Clear? Ok good.
Like I was saying earlier, “uncomfortable” does not equal “bad for you”.
Reducing discomfort around tasks is 100% a valuable strategy, and is also a skill that should be developed. That’s for another letter.
But the harsh reality is that you cannot reduce the discomfort of everything to zero. And you cannot only work on things that are comfortable or immediately interesting to you if you want to grow.
Therefore, learning to be uncomfortable is vital for effective focusing.
Fortunately there’s a free, easy access, and mild effort tool that anyone can use to work on this.
Being bored
Boredom for most people is uncomfortable. Especially with modern technology.
I want you to be brutally honest with yourself for a second, and think about the last time you were in a boring situation. Did you pull your phone out?
Waiting in a long line at the pharmacy?
Waiting for an appointment?
Sitting on the toilet?
Boredom is everywhere. It’s part of life. And with little computers in our pockets it’s become exponentially easier to avoid.
And that’s a bad thing.
Boredom is a vital feeling because it creates contrast in life.
If you’re constantly stimulated than anything you do that doesn’t match the level of entertainment you’re used to will feel extraordinarily difficult and boring.
Like focusing.
If you can’t sit on the toilet for 5 minutes without scrolling through a thousand 6 second videos how do you expect to focus on that mundane work that needs to get done?
This doesn’t only apply to work either. Constantly being stimulated impacts hobbies and leisure activities as well.
You can watch an entire collection of beautiful (but short) piano and art videos, feel super inspired, just to feel absolutely 0 motivation to create anything yourself.
Boredom is an incredible resource and mental training opportunity if you know how to use it.
At least that’s how I’ve seen and experienced it
Of all the things I’ve worked on in my effort to focus better, these are the things that I’ve noticed the most impact with.
On the one hand, it may be annoying to think about all these different parts.
But on the other hand, when I thought I just had to sit my ass down and get ‘er done I was filled to the brim with frustration and disappointment that I had to work so damn hard all the time with so little results.
Breaking it down into:
Staying on task AND,
Recognizing when I’ve gotten distracted AND,
Getting back on task AND,
Dealing with discomfort of being bored doing the task
Gave me digestible pieces to work on that were actually within my limits to improve. Meaning less frustration and more overall progress.
Which part or adjacent skill do you think is your biggest hang up? I know mine but I’m interested to know if anyone has anything different.
Keep an eye on your inbox because next week I’ll be talking about how I work on each part!
