An apology, a confession, and a re-introduction

And possibly a good-bye

First things first: I want to apologize.

It’s been too long. And I’m sorry for the inconsistency. Both in my timing and content.

I know how annoying it is to sign up for something just for the creator to barely show up in my inbox (if at all) talking about things that barely had anything to do with the reason I signed up.

I’m not going anywhere, but I have been thinking a lot about what I truly love talking about and the direction I want this newsletter to go.

Which leads me to my confession.

I was out of my depth while thinking too shallowly.

Once upon a time before I started this newsletter I was making simple health and fitness content on Instagram.

I won’t lie. I hated it.

I loved talking about health a fitness. But it just felt so shallow.

Protein, lifting weights, drinking water...

I was just regurgitating what I’d learned in my certifications. Granted those are important.

But the struggle often isn’t just lack of knowledge.

I started getting more interested in the how.

How to make those things a normal part of life. How to legitimately integrate habits and routines. I wasn’t satisfied with the, “it takes X amount of days to form a habit” bullshit.

It just so happens around that same time I was diagnosed with ADHD.

The more I looked into ADHD the more fascinated I became. Especially because I started learning how symptoms typically made it difficult stay on top of things, including fitness. Problem solving my way through various ADHD symptoms made it feel like I was tackling root causes of inconsistency.

I thought, “this is it, this is what I love talking about. Maintaining healthy habits with ADHD.”

If memory serves, somewhere in this window was where I started this newsletter.

Then I kept reading.

And learned I was way out of my depth.

Many of the aspects of working with ADHD I found the most fascinating were also the most sensitive and potentially dangerous. I realized I didn’t feel comfortable attempting to give advice on anything other than surface level stuff because it’s so easy to be unintentionally harmful. I’ll experiment on myself all day. But I won’t risk anyone else.

Plus I don’t have the time or money to get a psychology degree (or anything similar that would actually qualify me) so I need to stay in my lane anyway. Maybe one day.

(I still plan on exploring the area btw. But not with the intent to advise anyone. Anything I write will just be about my own experience.)

Honestly I was bummed about this decision because I felt really attached to the topic, but I knew it was the right choice. I kept searching.

After some reflection I decided it wasn’t necessarily ADHD specifically that I liked talking about. It was creating strategies and tools to work with ADHD. I am a puzzle fanatic after all.

I thought maybe I’ll just focus on strategies and tools for health and fitness then.

And I do love that topic. But guess who has ADHD and get’s bored with topics that feel restricting.

Yep, this girl.

Plus it still felt like I was missing something. There’s so many other topics that fascinate me (like focusing for example 👀 I know I promised that one a while ago, note and another apology on that at the end).

Now the re-introduction

I’ve always been fascinated by the personal development sphere. Health and fitness obviously. But also mindset, productivity, some would argue spirituality as well, and many others. Really I enjoy growth as a concept.

But I grew to hate how personal development always seemed to be about more.

Doing more work to get the promotion.

Studying more to get the grade.

Exercising more to get the body.

When I was deep in the clutches of traditional personal development and productivity I was getting a lot done. For short periods of time before crashing.

It felt like I was staying just barely ahead while somehow simultaneously always behind.

Exhausting.

Not to mention it also felt like I was missing something fundamental. Not to personal development. But to living.

So that’s where I’m going from here.

I believe personal development should be about fulfillment, peace, and happiness.

Using productivity to create the space you need, not just to cram more into your day.

Using mindset to learn to enjoy life, not just win it.

Using problem solving to figure out how to get all the little pieces of life and routine to fit in a way that serves you instead of enslaving you.

What I seek to research, experiment with, and write about, is how to use personal development and problem solving as a means of balancing growth with living in the present moment.

That is what this newsletter is moving towards.

With this shift I have a promise

I promise I’m not going to become a creator that talks about business building or productivity for productivity’s sake

Those are areas of the personal development space I don’t want to touch because frankly building a business by telling you to build a business or work more feels weird to me.

I may go into how I stay on top of my finances, or how I use productivity to help me work if that ends up being something you guys are interested in hearing about from me. But it will not be the whole point, or even a consistent point in these letters.

For some of you this may be good-bye

If my ADHD content was the main reason you signed up, I apologize. I understand if the new direction isn’t something you want to stick around for. The unsubscribe button is at the bottom of my emails.

(Pro tip: if for some reason you click it and it says the page can’t be shown it may be whatever internet you’re connected to has some ad blocker settings. That happens to me a lot and I’m not trying to hold anyone unintentionally hostage here.)

For those of you staying I appreciate you! I look forward to the journey of what this newsletter becomes. And I won’t lie to you, things might change again. Because as I learn more I always want to implement more. But I’ll do my best to keep the changes to a minimum.

Oh and I don’t know about you, but I’m not sure the name Chaotic Consistency really hits the mark anymore. I’m going to do some brainstorming but if anyone has any cool ideas for what the new name could be send me an email! I read all replies.

Speaking of which, the focus newsletter is coming out! I haven’t forgotten about you Maria! And I am sorry it’s taken me so long! I’m damn near finished with it and it’s an absolute monster. So that’ll be coming out in parts starting next week!

This one was a bit shorter than my usual (which is also something I’m working on because I’m sure y’all don’t really want to read a novel every week), but that’s all I got. Until the next one!